It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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