oh god the rape fog is back!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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