but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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