I think my vagina is haunted
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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