At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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