the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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