people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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