If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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