i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize