the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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