I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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