My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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