I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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