just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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