I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize