There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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