I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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