god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize