Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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