1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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