She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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