Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
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I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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