he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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