If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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