my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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