When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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