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ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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