sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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