ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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