So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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