I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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