I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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