I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize