I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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