my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize