i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize