So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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