First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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