She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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