please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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