There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize