I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize