Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize