He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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