I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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