I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize