well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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