don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize