he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize