I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize